Oskar's mother's grief is more subtle and hidden, but also very real. She tries to be strong and supportive for Oskar, but she also has her own pain and regrets. She misses her husband, and feels guilty for not being able to protect him or say goodbye to him. She also feels guilty for starting a new relationship with Ron, a man who lost his family in 9/11, and for not being able to connect with Oskar. She worries about Oskar's mental health and behavior, and tries to help him in her own way, such as by contacting the people he visits and making sure they are safe and friendly.
Oskar's grandmother and grandfather's grief is more complex and layered, as they have a history of loss and trauma that predates 9/11. They are both survivors of the bombing of Dresden in World War II, which killed their families and destroyed their hometown. They also lost their son, Thomas, who was born mute and ran away from home when he was a teenager. They never saw him again, until he contacted them shortly before 9/11 and asked them to move to New York. They agreed, hoping to reconnect with him and meet their grandson, Oskar. However, they never got the chance, as Thomas died in the attacks.
Oskar's grandmother and grandfather cope with their grief in different ways. Oskar's grandmother is more expressive and emotional, while Oskar's grandfather is more silent and withdrawn. Oskar's grandmother tries to comfort Oskar and tell him stories about his father and his childhood, but she also suffers from nightmares and flashbacks of the bombing. Oskar's grandfather, who is also known as the renter, because he lives in Oskar's grandmother's apartment, is unable to speak and communicates through writing. He is haunted by his past and his mistakes, and feels guilty for abandoning his wife and son. He also feels guilty for surviving 9/11, while his son did not. He tries to help Oskar with his quest, but he also keeps a distance from him and his grandmother, as he fears losing them too.
The novel shows how the grief of 9/11 is not only personal, but also collective and historical. The novel connects the tragedy of 9/11 to other tragedies, such as the bombing of Dresden, the atomic bombing of Hiroshima, and the Holocaust. The novel also shows how the grief of 9/11 is shared by many people, not only by the direct victims and their families, but also by the witnesses, the rescuers, the survivors, and the strangers. The novel depicts the diversity and complexity of the people affected by 9/11, and how they cope with their grief in different ways.
The Hope of 9/11
Another main theme of Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close is the hope of 9/11, and how it emerges from the grief and despair. The novel portrays the hope of Oskar, his mother, his grandmother, and his grandfather, who are all searching for meaning and closure in the wake of 9/11.
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